Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Not Your Average Couple

Proverbs 17:27 (New American Standard Bible)
27 He who restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.

Every once in awhile it hits me that Charming and I are a little different from the average married couple out there. Last night was one of those nights. We signed up for a "Laugh Your Way Through Marriage" class at our church...and it's a great class. A lot of the things talked about are very similar to the Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus books that I read when we were dating. (I had wanted to understand the man that I loved so that I wouldn't be in complete confusion of how his brain works.) And quite frankly I think that in reading those books it gave me an edge to understanding Charming before we married and started a 24 hr. a day living relationship.

Back to our difference from other couples...and everyone always looks at us like we're A) lying, B) in denial or C) crazy. And we're probably able to claim C, but in fact we are very different (and I think blessed) because we have never had a fight. You know, one of those yelling, screaming, throwing inanimate objects, slamming doors, tear-filled kinda fights. Yeah, well, we've never had one...and don't plan to either.

Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that we don't disagree on things. We do. But we just don't yell at each other to get our points across. And we both love each other so much that we never want to hurt the other person. And words can hurt...and once they are out there, there's no taking them back. No matter what anyone says...those words stick with the injured party and will resurface.

So what's our secret you ask? Simple. When one (or both) of us is mad, we simply go silent. And we give eachother space to cool down. Then, once cooled down and done reflecting, we get together and talk calmly about whatever it is that's made us upset. And we choose our words CAREFULLY. That is key! The wrong words in the wrong tone could cut like a knife.

Another key is that we both make an effort to try to understand where each other is coming from...what was intended, what did we misunderstand, and what was really trying to be conveyed. The other couples in our group were surprised last night when we said that we had never had a fight...but they were even more surprised by how we both take the time to cool down and then come back together to discuss things calmly. But I think that's just called being respectful of each other and wanting a resolution, not a confrontation.

I hope that somehow this helps another couple...it's so nice to not live on edge for fear of the next blow-up.

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